Ok ok I am not 30 yet! (Almost, but not quite). The song just played on my iPod and it just set the tone for my day today. These days, weeks, months have been FULL of anxiety for us. Today I planned to spend the day cleaning, catching up, and JOB hunting. Yikes! I have so many thoughts going through my head today I just can't keep them all straight. This song just seems so fitting today...
"I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years"
I remember sitting in Kyle's truck 10 years ago. Literally. We were on the verge of graduating High School. Soooo many possibilities were opening to us. I remember laughing with him because we tried relating to the song even though 30 was SO OLD! lol Soon after that so many changes happened. We got married. We became parents. So many overwhelming things that took it's tole. AND WE MADE IT. HE made us make it.
It just all seems so ironic to me because here we are 10 years later. Almost zeroing in on 30. Nearing our 10 year anniversary. So many things to celebrate. And while I feel so proud and happy at where we are now, I can't help but see the irony in how life is such a circle.
With the very real threat of loosing a career, I can't help but go back to the feeling of sitting in Kyle's truck. If we look at it right- sooo many possibilities can be open for us. It's no secret that the economy is taking it's tole on SO many people. We are not alone by any means. And I really do thank God for all of the hardships we've had thus far. Because, quite frankly, I don't think either one of us could handle the pressure right now if we hadn't already "been there, done that".
We are at a pivotal moment in our lives. Kyle's career (or possible lack there of). Where will he work? What will we do? My BABIES are now CHILDREN. My youngest is preschool ready. Do I start looking to work full time again? Is it worth it?
Until recently, I've never felt this kind of pressure of parenthood. We've had BABIES. Totally different from CHILDREN. Babies need love and attention. Children, however, will forever be affected by their surroundings. They are old enough to see a bare cupboard. As hard as we try, they are old enough to see the pressure. Know if Daddy doesn't have a job.
"Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years "
I do draw comfort in knowing that the last 10 years gave us so much. After everything that life has thrown at us I KNOW that everything happens for a reason. Our marriage has never been stronger. We KNOW that as a couple and as individuals we have the strenth to take on this thing called life. I remember that we live in the United States of America. A place that people give their lives trying to reach. A place where, even in a recession, we have sooo many opportunities. We just need to find the right one. We just need a little creativity and a little courage to take a leap.
"My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here ,In my next thirty years"
This is all we want. All we've wanted for most of the last 10 years too. And we do have it. My biggest fear right now is making the wrong decision. Going down the wrong path. Because we have 3 little ones walking in our shadows. Who THEY will be is dependent on who WE are. How we handle this turning point. I'm just going to have faith that this turning point is also happening for a reason. So I'm going to put faith where stress is looming and KNOW that we are strong enough to figure this out.
"Lord have mercy on my next 30 years!!"
